Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
