I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
