1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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