Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
