Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
