it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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