Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
