I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
