Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
