And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
