You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
