There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
