this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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