Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
