The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Randomize
