No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
