I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
