It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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