so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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