we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
