I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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