think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
