Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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