u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
