Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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