I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
