Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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