well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
