you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
