you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
time to smoke my breakfast
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
