I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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