I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
