I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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