the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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