I wish I could teleport
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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