oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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