was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She even gives head with a lisp.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
