I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
