Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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