He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
