Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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