I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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