highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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