If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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