Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
