Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
