So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
