i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
