I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
