She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
