Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
