And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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