sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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