butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
