i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
