nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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