He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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