My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
