she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
