she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
